Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Moments of silence

My most difficult moments I have in silence, I always ask myself, how did you get yourself to the war front?  How are battles won?  How are victories recorded? These are fields of battle you must conquer on this phase of life..................how do I go on?

My brother once told me: as you go through life, you see that there are so much that we don't understand. Having this thoughts in my head gives meek me concerns. They say silence is power, some say silence is golden. I only think its cliche so we use it often. If not then how powerful is your silence?

Personally I have come to value my moments of silence more than I speak, if I  could turn back the hands of time, I would only choose my words carefully. Be more cautious of my choice of words,  because I know the power of spoken words. Even the Christians bible tell me that there is power in spoken words.
Ooooh but deep within me, my inner self know that my silence is power. My voice is audible, but I trade them for silence. There are so many things I want to talk about but I choose to say nothing.  In the past I have been hurt deeply, but most of the time, I find out that I choose to be silence over some issues I could pick a fight for. It is just me. How do I go on?

Growing up, they asked me, where us your mind? I would hurriedly point to my chest with smile, but that was only a frame of my childhood fantasy.  I guard the thoughts of my mind carefully, because so much depends on it.  Never let the reality of the world becloud your true world(your mind)  created in your moments of silence.  From it wells forth happiness..........little wonder they say Peace of mind.

Now I ask this question? What is my purpose in life? Why am I sent here? Or am I just a part of some big PLAN?

Thursday, 7 August 2014

One of Those days

Dear diary, today is one of those days when I am down again, for no specific reason. So many rumbling going on in my head, the fear of Ebola is beginning to grip me.

I fear for my friends and loved ones in Lagos, the thought of contacting the disease out of innocent handshake and hugs make it more scary.  I mean quite unlike HIV that comes through unsterilised equipment and unprotected intercourse which could be curtailed. Really no One has control over this virus.  This just leaves me with a prayer on my lips.......

Which way my country? We are yet to bring back our ladies back home, I surfed the Net recently, only to find matching pictures of a Chibok girl linking to a female bomber. I doubt she is the one anyway**rollseyes**  and if she is,  what kind of persuasion led her to the Act? Was she under duress?  Was she brainwashed like the sect members?  What would she tell her creator? Doesn't she know that the just judge Watches?  So many questions with no answers.

Little Men of the Boko Haram group is also a great source of worry, it has always been but I almost lost one of the happening chic I know to the Emab plaza Bomb blast. To think that my chic was at the scenerio of the blast which could have lost her life to it, is a source of concern. ( gossip pays)

And so my Chic princess came to spend time with me, yours truly was out for the days job,   While she went in search of greener pasture. In her own words " Ore mi......did you hear of the blast right now?  I am like No. Well it happened in my presence  (panting profusely)  huh? Where are you madam?  I am in a taxi on my way home. I can't find my handbag sef.  Ok dear just relax till I get home Ook? Ok then.

The sound of my car horn made my friend jump out of bed, she hug me tightly saying ......I am taking the next flight back home. Nne kedu ihe mere?  My dear, I find the green pasture, e no gree come, na him I say make I find my boyfriend go Emab plaza.  We got to the phone repair shop, I felt hungry ooh, we were directed to a corner mama put, getting out of the shop, I saw my university classmate calling out for me. I left my bf standing while gossiping and catching up with my gf. he got angry with my attitude but stood still.   The next thing I heard was Gbuaaaaah!(in chiwetala agu's voice) ..........It could have been me"

Duty calls......contd.

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

The past came calling!

I walk towards my phone ringing, guess whose call it was?    Alabama's.    Why could he be calling? Was he insane? Or did he miss his dial?  So many questions on my mind right now.  I have risen above the hate I have for him, so why can't he use his gumption?
And so dear diary, the story of Alabama begins.

Alabama : Hey blink for show
Me: hey good evening( in patience ozorkwo's voice )

Alabama : how is family dear?
Me:  why are you calling me?

Alabama : I called to check on my friend?
Me: mtcheeeet! Drops the phone

That was rude of me, but I mean he had no reason to call in, I rather he remained in his zone, while I stayed in mine. I am okay the way I am, beautiful in my way.....God makes no mistake.

 Meanwhile, The heavens cried with me last night, it felt as though I was communing directly with God. I asked him to wipe my tears away or @ least walk in my shoes to feel my present state.
I told him my eyes were sore from crying, he should join his own. Dear diary, it didn't Rain but Poured.

Some wounds never really heal! Sighs**

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Dear diary, how can I forget you, I have been away for too long
I was sick and put of duty for a while, really a lot has been going on lately , I miss you all my readers and you, Yes U.     Where do I begin to narrate my ordeal this past few days.  I was off bbm, wants app, Twitter, Facebook, anything social media......................
Your sweetheart has been long long gone. I remember my words to talk about all the happenings of late and I haven't forgotten either.   You know the feeling when I got when open my inbox to see loads of messages? Heavenly is the word.
I wouldn't leave for long anymore, just create enough space for me, because I would be giving you my daily experience in bits.
Sloppy kisses from me..............................................................Bekee